Why ‘Who’ Matters More Than ‘How’
By Peter Howe
We all do this in our lives—
We get caught up in the how-to.
How to fix this.
How to do that.
How to get from where we are… to where we think we should be.
And it makes sense.
We live in a world obsessed with steps, strategies, and solutions. Everything has a formula, a framework, or a five-step plan to success.
But here’s the thing…
When we get caught in the world of “how,” we often lose sight of something far more important:
The place we’re coming from when we ask.
We try to figure it all out, and in doing so, we stir the pot of our own thinking—layering thought on top of thought and innocently pulling ourselves further away from clarity.
And suddenly, we’re not moving forward with clarity at all—we’re just spinning in circles, confusing ourselves... and occasionally scaring the shit out of ourselves.
Ever been there?
I was there 18 minutes ago.
But that’s the irony:
The more we chase answers, the more cluttered our minds become—and clarity doesn’t live in a cluttered mind.
Real insight doesn’t come from forcing answers.
It comes when we get quiet enough to hear what’s already there.
The Problem With “How-To” Thinking
The mind loves certainty.
It wants to know exactly what to do before taking a step.
Now, most of us aren’t gymnasts, but we’re sure as hell gold medalists in mental gymnastics—overthinking, doubting, questioning, second-guessing.
We convince ourselves that if we think hard enough, for long enough, we’ll find the answer.
But what if the answer isn’t in more thinking?
What if the answer isn’t in the how at all?
Who You Are Before "How-To" Changes Everything
Here’s a shift that changes everything:
Who you are being matters far more than any how-to strategy.
The energy you bring.
The presence you show up with.
The quality of mind you come from.
All of that shapes your experience, creativity and performance more than any how-to formula ever could.
Because when you focus on who before how...
Life becomes simpler—and starts to unfold with more ease.
The next steps reveal themselves naturally.
Creativity flows more effortlessly.
You move through challenges with resilience and grace.
You stop fearing the unknown.
You stop waiting to have the answers before you feel okay.
You show up as your true self—not a version shaped by pressure, “have to’s,” or “shoulds.”
You stop looking externally for certainty and begin listening to the quiet knowing within.
Think about two people starting a business.
One comes from the how first—and over time, they begin to get caught up in their head. Constantly searching for the next “how,” they slip into overthinking, doubting, and second-guessing every move. And to feel at ease, they try even harder to figure it all out.
The other comes from who first—a grounded place of ease, love, and inner trust. They know the answer will arise naturally because they’re open and present. They don’t need an answer to feel okay—they already are.
Because the difference isn’t in the strategy.
It’s in the state of mind and state of being they’re coming from.
Of course, there are times when strategy and planning are important—your job, your business, your finances, and even your next holiday require practical steps.
But even then, who you’re being—your level of clarity and presence—matters more than the steps themselves. Because that’s where your creative potential lives.
When your mind settles, the how becomes clearer—because you become clearer.
And that clarity doesn’t come from trying to figure things out.
It comes from seeing how your experience is created—from the inside-out, moment to moment.
Your external world is a reflection of your internal world.
That’s why who is so much more important than how.
You can’t be loving and busy-minded at the same time.
You can’t be present and lost in thought at the same time.
You can’t find clarity while drowning in overthinking.
So instead of trying to think your way to the right ‘how to’ answer...
Let your mind settle.
Let clarity come.
It will.
Because it always does.
And if you want to get there faster—focus on who you’re being first.
The “How” Reveals Itself When You Are Present
Isn't it funny how the clearest moments often appear when we’re simply being ourselves—free, open, present, and not thinking so hard?
We spend so much of our lives trying to force things.
Forcing clarity
Forcing outcomes
Forcing answers
How often are we trying to make things happen?
Believing that if we push harder and think more, we’ll finally feel okay?
But you don’t have to live like that.
You don’t have to exhaust yourself trying to force the answers.
Because when you settle down—
And start living from how you want to feel...
The how takes care of itself.
It effortlessly appears—not through force, but through clarity.
Think of a radio.
When there’s too much static, you can’t hear the music.
Overthinking is like tuning out of the signal, creating static.
But when you quiet the mind and return to who you’re being...
You tune yourself back into ClarityFM.
Why?
Because we’re connected to something deeper—
Something constant, wise, and always available:
Universal Intelligence.
It’s the same power that creates, animates, and moves all of life.
So why wouldn’t it also bring you exactly what you need—
The moment you get quiet enough to hear it?
You’ve felt this before.
Your clearest insights didn’t come when you were stressing or trying to figure it all out.
They came when you slowed down.
When your mind was quiet.
In the shower
Driving in the car
Doing the dishes
Taking a walk
Half asleep
You weren’t thinking about much.
You were just present.
Here’s the paradox:
The more we try to think our way to an answer, the further away we get from it.
But the moment we let go,
We create space in our mind for fresh insights and ideas to come—effortlessly.
That’s how clarity works.
That’s how this deeper intelligence operates.
Not by force but by allowing.
So let your next steps rise from your being
Not from the stress of your thinking.
Final Thoughts
When we stop living in our heads, we start living our lives.
We stop trying to think our way out of everything.
And start trusting our way through it.
We stop creating unnecessary stress and worry
And start creating peace of mind and freedom.
Which, deep down, is what we’re all truly looking for.
And I’m going to be bold and say, my friend, deep down, you already know it’s not found in another ‘how-to.’
It’s already within you.
But have you truly seen that for yourself?
What if you did?
What if that was the direction you looked in first?
What if you already know what to do—you're just not quiet enough to hear it?
What if you already know the answer—it’s simply buried beneath your thinking?
There are things we all want answers to—
Some really feel urgent
And that’s okay.
But if you knew that overthinking was the only thing standing between you and clarity…
Would you still give your thinking so much power?
Would you still let it keep you stuck?
Or would you let go?
Allow your mind to settle.
And trust that the answers will come exactly when they’re meant to?
Would you focus on who you’re being—
Letting the best parts of you shine,
And the best feelings in you arise...
Realising that you don’t need to fix your life—
Because when you see clearly, your life takes care of itself.
When you come from your being,
You no longer need to figure out how to get from where you are
To where you think you should be.
You see that you’re already here.
From my being to yours,
Peter
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