By Peter Howe

I’m currently in Bali with Rosemary, soaking in the last moments before we fly home today. It’s been absolutely beautiful here! We spent the first half of our trip in North Bali, then packed up and headed south for the second.

That morning, I felt a little off.

We had a three-hour drive ahead with a few stops planned to take in the sights, but as the day went on, I felt worse and worse.

I had never been so relieved to arrive at our accommodation. I thought, Finally, I can rest and take it easy.

What I didn’t know was that I was about to have the worst case of gastro I’ve ever had!

The Joys of Being Sick on Holiday

I’ll spare you the details (but if you’ve ever had gastro, you already know).

Let’s just say—both ends.

Sweating. Shivering. Fever. Intense nausea.

I felt so sick I was a little delirious and I spent more time lying on the bathroom floor than I did in bed.

That was a rough night. My body was empty, my immune system totally wiped out.

And just when I thought I’d survived the worst, the universe said, “Hold my coconut.” The next day… they appeared.

Coldsores.

Not just one.
Not two.
TEN!
Bloody ten of them!

Red, raw, painful—covering my lips.

I looked in the mirror, quite shocked by how many there were.

These cold sores didn’t come alone—they brought along some old sores too, the kind that had nothing to do with my skin.

The Mirror of the Past

As a kid, I got coldsores… a lot.

Every school photo? There they were.
Sometimes, they even showed up on my nose.

Just as one went away, another would appear.

It felt never-ending.

And I hated it.

I hated how I looked.
I hated the teasing.
I hated that people noticed.

I remember avoiding mirrors because, in my innocent misunderstanding, I believed my coldsores defined me.

I thought they meant something about my worth.

That I was disgusting.
I believed something was wrong with me.
I felt ashamed, embarrassed and all alone.

So, I did what any kid would do—I hid.

I wouldn’t smile because they would split and bleed.

I avoided speaking and being seen because I didn’t want anyone looking at me.

I just wanted to fit in and be like everyone else.

And now, all these years later, here I was again.

Standing in front of a mirror, covered in the most coldsores I’ve ever had, feeling those same old feelings rise up.

The same urge to hide.
The same thoughts of “I don’t want anyone to look at me.”
The same fear of “There’s something wrong with me.”

For years, every time I got a coldsore, I believed that if I could just get rid of it, I’d finally feel okay and at ease.

I thought my inner peace, worthiness, acceptance, and sense of belonging were all waiting on the other side of getting rid of them.

Do you see the problem this thinking causes?

Look at that little boy with his coldsores—does he need to change anything to be whole?

Right now, in this moment… do I?

Do you?

The Real Pain

The real pain wasn’t the coldsores themselves.

It was the meaning I innocently attached to them.
The way I thought they defined me.
The belief that they made me less loved, less accepted, less worthy—less enough.

And isn’t that what we do?

We take the things we don’t like about ourselves—our appearance, habits, reactions, and past mistakes—and turn them into proof that we’re not enough.

That there is something wrong with us.
That we need to hide away.

But what about you?

Think about something you've struggled with—something you've felt the need to hide.

What if, instead of waiting for it to go away, you chose to love it exactly as it is?
What if you stopped believing it had to change for you to feel whole and at ease?

This is what stared back at me when I looked in the mirror that day.

In that moment, I had a choice—keep believing the old story of shame and unworthiness, or do something radical… love myself exactly as I was.

What We Resist Needs Our Love the Most

Think about the thing you’ve been resisting the most. What if it wasn’t a mistake? What if it was your greatest invitation into self-love?

What if our flaws aren’t here to shame us—but to expand us?

Because the reality is…

You are so much more than your physical form.
You are not your ‘flaws.’
You are not your fears, doubts, or conditioned beliefs.

You are something far greater—something timeless, boundless, formless, infinite.

And yet, the more we attach ourselves to what we’re not, the more we suffer.

The more we believe our worth and well-being depend on how we look, what we achieve, or what others think, the more we suffer.
The more we think we’re not enough and there’s something wrong with us, we suffer.

But what if nothing about you needed to change for you to feel whole and at peace?

What if, instead of resisting the parts of yourself you’ve been struggling with, you brought more love to them?

Not to fix them.

Not to make them go away.

But to hold them in compassion.

To let go of the battle.

Because we spend so much of our lives waiting:

Waiting for our skin to clear.
Waiting for our weight to gain or drop.
Waiting for our bank account to grow.
Waiting for that holiday.
Waiting for our circumstances to be different—before we allow ourselves to feel worthy, happy and at ease.

But what if the only thing in the way…
Is the belief that something needs to change?

And what if—right here, as you are—you already have everything you need?

What if peace isn’t found in fixing yourself… but in finally allowing yourself to be?

In finally realising that nothing needs to be different for you to feel whole.

Because beneath all the noise, beneath all the stories your mind has told you, beneath the fear and resistance…

There’s only ever been love, waiting for you to see it.

The Lesson in Every “Flaw”

I believe every challenge, every insecurity, every struggle is an invitation.

A doorway into deeper self-love and acceptance.

Because how else would we learn to love ourselves unconditionally if we never had to face the parts we struggle with?

Our flaws aren’t mistakes.

They’re teachers.

They’re awakeners.

And right now, my coldsores are reminding me of something I forgot—

That my love and acceptance is within me and has nothing to do with how I look.
That who I am is untouched by any perceived flaw.
That my self-worth has never been up for debate.
When I feel weighed down, it’s never because of my circumstances—it’s always a reflection of my state of mind in that moment. And the moment I truly see that for what it is, my mind naturally settles, and ease returns.

So, instead of fighting myself, I’m choosing to embrace myself—coldsores, and all! (Which, I’ll be honest, hasn’t been easy!)

What helps me is to imagine holding my younger self—the little boy who felt so ashamed and alone—and give him the love and compassion he had always needed.

And in that moment… something within me truly softened.

Because when we release the thoughts that keep us suffering, we naturally return home—to presence.

And in presence, we see that we are love.

An Invitation for You

What part of yourself have you been rejecting?
What if, instead of trying to ‘fix’ them, you gave them love?
What if you stopped waiting for them to change… and realised you’re already okay?
What if that realisation is the ultimate relief you’ve been searching for?
What would change if you saw yourself beyond your body and beyond your fears—as the energy of the universe itself?

Healing isn’t about changing—it’s about coming home to presence and embodying the love that has always been within you.

Because my friend, that’s the truth of who you are.

And you don’t need external validation to prove it, nor do your circumstances need to change for you to feel it.

This is an invitation for you to remember.

Final Thoughts

A tree’s roots grow deepest in the strongest winds.

And every challenge—every insecurity—is an invitation to grow your capacity to love yourself exactly as you are—and love your life exactly where you are.

We all have 'coldsores'—things we believe make us unworthy.

But it’s only ever our state of mind that creates that feeling of unworthiness.

And our state of mind can change in an instant.

Right now, in this moment—can you choose to love what you’ve been resisting? Even just a little?

Because what we resist doesn’t need more rejection—it needs to be met with love. So, will you stop waiting for things to change… and choose love today?

From my love to yours,
Peter

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What If Nothing About You Needs to Change?