Part Two: The Power of Acceptance: Your Guide to Finding Peace With What is
By Peter Howe
Why Do We Resist?
In Part One, we explored how resistance creates suffering and how acceptance leads to peace.
But if acceptance brings freedom, why is it so hard to accept?
Why do we cling to control?
Why do we fear emotions?
Why do we fight what already is?
The answer?
Because, at some point, resistance felt safer than acceptance.
We have conditioned ways of thinking that we mistake for reality.
We have a mind that we’ve become so misidentified with—one that, by its very nature, resists what is.
It’s designed to protect us—constantly scanning for threats, seeking control, and trying to figure everything out. But in that resistance and misidentification, we unknowingly create the very suffering we’re trying to avoid.
Because we’ve forgotten who we truly are and where our experience comes from—within.
Most of us don’t even realise this is happening—we just assume this is how life is.
But what if it’s not?
What if there’s a completely different way to experience life—one that is lighter, freer, and more effortless?
True peace isn’t found in fighting life—it’s found in surrendering to its flow.
Let’s explore why we resist and how you can step into a new way of life.
1. The Illusion of Control
Your mind craves certainty.
It wants to believe that life will go your way if you do everything ‘right’.
So, it creates illusory rules:
If things go exactly the way I want, I’ll be okay.
If I’m prepared for every single outcome, then I’ll avoid pain.
The more I control, the more safe I feel.
You know life doesn’t follow our scripts, right? I’m sure you’ve noticed that many times! When life doesn't go the way our mind wants, it protests:
"This isn’t fair!"
"It shouldn’t be this way!"
"This isn’t how it was supposed to go!"
”if this didn’t happen, I wouldn’t feel like this.”
”If only I had_____, Then I would be happy.”
And that’s when suffering begins.
No matter how much we try to control it, life moves in its own way, with its own rhythm and its own intelligence. It knows what it’s doing. It knows how to guide you because you are a unique expression of it.
What if life is unfolding exactly as it is, even if you don’t understand why?
What if the very challenges you’re resisting are here to wake you up?
What if letting go of control is the very thing that sets you free?
Because life isn’t happening to you—it’s happening for you. What is your current relationship with life?
2. The Mind’s Survival Instinct
Thousands of years ago, your mind had one job—keep you alive.
A rustling in the bushes? Threat detected. Stay alert.
An unfamiliar tribe? They could be dangerous. Stay cautious.
A sudden storm? Find shelter. Protect yourself.
But here’s the problem—it’s still running the same program.
Today, you can be perfectly safe on your couch, yet your mind still reacts as if there’s a real threat. That’s how powerful our imaginations are.
This is why we resist:
Failure - feels like a threat to our worth.
Uncertainty - feels unsafe.
Change - feels like losing control.
But here’s the truth:
Resisting life doesn’t make us safer—it only makes us suffer.
And when we see that our resistance lives in our perspective, not in our circumstances, something profoundly shifts.
Because we don’t have to change our circumstances to be free—we just have to see them differently.
3. Emotional Avoidance & Judgment
We don’t just resist life—we resist our own emotions.
Because at some point, we learned:
Sadness is bad.
Confusion means you’re out of control, and you need to find an answer to be okay.
Fear is a weakness.
Discomfort means something is wrong.
So, we push emotions away.
And when they don’t disappear? We judge and resist them:
"I shouldn’t feel this way again."
”This is bad. I wish it would stop.”
”I’m sick of feeling like this.”
"I should be over this by now."
"What’s wrong with me?"
”I need to figure out what this feeling means so it doesn’t return.”
But emotions are not problems to fix—they are energy that’s meant to come and go and move through you.
The paradox is this: don’t look for peace but be with whatever arises in the moment. Because peace is the natural by-product of embracing whatever is here, now.
And even when you struggle to accept—accept that, too.
Forgive yourself for not being accepting at times. That means you’re human. I don’t know if you know this, but you can even accept your non-acceptance—that’s the power of it.
And in that acceptance, peace arises naturally.
4. The Ego’s Attachment to Identity
We all have an idea of who we think we are.
And when life challenges that identity, we get triggered and resist.
If we see ourselves as always needing to be in control, then uncertainty and change can feel like threats.
If we believe we’re only loved when we achieve, then failure feels like we’re not loved for who we are.
If we were taught that certain emotions were “too much”, expressing them feels unsafe.
If we think we don’t matter, speaking up feels impossible.
If we believe we need always to get it right, we’ll avoid mistakes at all costs.
But what if these are just stories we’ve collected over time—not who we truly are?
What if your true self exists beyond these labels, fears, and conditioning?
Because resistance is in the mind—acceptance is your true nature.
We are not our thoughts, fears, or past conditioning.
We are the awareness behind it all—untouched, whole, mentally healthy, and free. When we stop clinging to who we think we should be, we start living from who we truly are.
And that’s when we finally come home to the greatest city we can ever live in—Authenticity.
Surrender: The Wisdom of Allowing Life
Surrender isn’t about giving up and being passive—it’s about releasing the exhausting battle against what already is. It’s the key to true freedom and empowerment.
When you stop resisting life, you stop being ruled by the mind’s endless stories of fear, doubt, worry, and control. Instead, you reconnect with the essence of you that has always been free.
It means:
Letting go of the need to understand everything.
Releasing the grip of control.
Finding ease in not knowing.
Trusting life and allowing it to unfold.
And when you stop asking, “Why is this happening to me?” and “I need to figure all of this out!”— surrender happens, and with it, lasting peace.
The only place where surrender happens is in the present moment.
This doesn’t mean inaction. It means your actions come from clarity, not fear.
Step 1 – Accept what is.
Step 2 – Then act from that acceptance.
Whatever this moment holds, meet it as if it’s here to guide you. Align with it, not against it. Make it your teacher, not your enemy—and your entire experience of life will transform.
Practicing Acceptance
Acceptance is an active practice of allowing life to be as it is so you can move through it more easily, gracefully, and clearly—a place where your peace isn’t dependent on circumstances.
Here’s how to begin practicing acceptance in everyday life:
1. Notice Resistance
“Am I wishing this moment were different?”
“Am I fighting against reality?”
“Am I telling myself this shouldn’t be happening?”
Simply noticing your resistance is the first step to freeing yourself from it.
2. Acknowledge What Is
“This is what’s happening right now.”
“I don’t have to like it, but I can stop fighting it.”
“I can allow this moment to be as it is.”
When you accept something as it is, you stop adding suffering to it.
3. Feel Without Fixing
Emotions are not problems to solve—they are experiences to allow.
You don’t have to fix sadness, fear, anxiety, or frustration.
The more you resist emotions, the more stuck you’ll feel.
Let emotions move through you like clouds. The moment you stop resisting, they pass faster.
4. Drop the Story
Ask yourself: “Is this a fact, or is it just my mind’s opinion?”
Notice when your mind is telling a dramatic or fearful story.
If you get caught up in your thinking, remind yourself:
“Oh, I got caught up in my mind again. That’s okay.”
“This is just a thought, not reality.”
“I don’t have to take this thought seriously and believe it.”
“Let’s look at this when I settle back down.”
The more you challenge those stories and see them as not true, the more freedom you’ll feel.
5. Return to Presence
Take a deep breath.
Feel your feet on the ground.
Remind yourself: “Right now, in this moment, I am totally okay.”
Allow yourself to settle into the peace of acceptance. Feel it fully. The more you return to this space, the more familiar and natural it becomes.
Peace is found in presence—not in overthinking the past, resisting the present or worrying about the future.
6. Take Inspired Action
When you stop resisting, the next best step becomes clear because you drop out of all your thinking.
Instead of reacting from stress, you now respond from clarity.
Trust that your inner wisdom and life will show you the way, one step at a time.
Example of Acceptance:
Let’s say you have an argument with a friend.
Resistance looks like:
Replaying the argument in your head, imagining different outcomes.
Wishing they had reacted differently—or that you had said something else.
Continually feeling frustrated, stuck, and emotionally drained after the argument.
Holding onto resentment, waiting for things to change before you feel okay.
Creating mental stories about what this means—about them, about you, about the relationship.
Acceptance looks like:
Acknowledging: “This happened. I don’t like it, and it was hard to go through but I accept that it did.”
Feeling your emotions fully, without labelling them as "wrong" or trying to push them away.
Recognising that acceptance doesn’t mean approval—it simply means allowing what is.
Letting go of the mental stories about how things should have gone.
Seeing clearly: “What’s the next best step? What can I take responsibility for? Do I have a conversation? Set a boundary? Let it go?”
Acting from a place of clarity rather than reacting from frustration or fear..
Trusting Life
What if life is unfolding exactly as it needs to—even if you don’t understand why?
What if you softened into what’s here right now instead of gripping onto control?
What if, in letting go, you discovered that life has a way of working things out in ways you never could have planned?
Pause for a moment. Think back to a time in your life when something felt wrong. Maybe it blindsided you. Maybe at the time, you felt hurt, lost and scared. And you didn’t know how you were gonna get through it.
You resisted it. Fought against it. Wished it were different. And then… months later, you came to the realisation:
"That was actually the best thing that could have happened."
We’ve all had those moments:
The job we didn’t get.
The relationship that ended.
The plan that fell apart.
The opportunity we missed.
At the time, it felt like life was against us. But looking back? It was guiding us somewhere better all along.
I want you to consider something…
Life has a way of knowing exactly what you need and where to take you. The moment you step into acceptance, you begin to trust that unfoldment and enjoy your life.
What if every unexpected challenge, setback, and obstacle isn’t a mistake—but life guiding you exactly where you need to be, right where you are?
To look within.
To trust.
To grow.
To let go.
To be grateful.
To awaken to something deeper.
What if the very thing you’re resisting is the thing that will set you free?
Life isn’t happening to you—it’s happening for you.
Life is not here to punish you—it’s here to wake you up.
The only question is: Will you trust it?
Final Thoughts
When life feels hard, uncertain, messy, or even unfair, it’s easy to think something has gone wrong.
But what if nothing is wrong?
What if these moments—the challenges, the setbacks, the unexpected turns—aren’t mistakes but essential parts of the human experience?
Not just for our personal evolution but for the evolution of us all.
What if every struggle is life nudging us present—awakening us to something deeper, something truer?
What if, instead of asking, “Why is this happening?” You asked, “What is this here to teach me?”
Because the moments we resist the most are the ones inviting us to let go, to surrender, to see beyond our personal thinking and into something greater.
This is where our freedom begins.
Because true awakening isn’t about changing life; it’s about accepting it.
That’s why I love this quote from Wayne Dyer:
"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."
It’s not life that shapes our reality and creates our experience—it’s the way we see it.
Breathe. Accept. Release. Act. Trust.
Here, my friend, you will find the peace waiting for you all along.
If you’ve made it this far, you’re a trooper! Seriously, thank you. This one was deep, and I hope you found it helpful.
With love,
Peter
P.S. Want to share this blog via text, social, or email with someone you care about? Simply copy and paste this link: www.peterhowecoaching.com/blog/the-power-of-acceptance-finding-peace-with-what-is-part-two