Where Do You Think Our Experience of Life Comes From?
When I ask clients, “Where do you think your experience of life comes from?” I usually hear things like:
My environments
Other people’s opinions or behaviour
Stressful situations
The mountain of tasks waiting for me at work
Past experiences
It’s easy to believe that life happens to us because of everything 'out there.' It makes sense, doesn’t it? When something happens in our world, it feels like that’s what’s causing our experience. But what if that’s just how it looks, not how it actually works.
Here’s the shift: We experience life through our thoughts; it’s our internal thinking that shapes how we perceive and experience the external world.
What’s happening out there isn’t dictating how you feel; It’s what’s happening inside your mind. It’s not your boss’s email, your bank account, your partner’s mood, the traffic on your way to work, an unexpected bill or that awkward conversation you had yesterday. It’s your thinking about those things.
If that weren’t true, why doesn’t everyone feel the same way about the exact same situations? And why don’t you always feel the same about the same situations? What do you make of that?
This shift in perspective is what author, writer and speaker Michael Neill calls the “Inside-Out Understanding.” Here’s his take: “We are living in the feeling of our thinking, not the feeling of the world. The more we understand where our experience comes from, the less frightened we’ll be of that experience.”
So, why does this matter?
We’ve been taught to believe that external events and others are the source of our emotional state, convincing us that if we can just fix or change the things ‘out there,’ our circumstances, relationships and outcomes, we’ll feel better. But what if the real source of peace is already inside you?
When you see that your experience is being created from within, everything changes. The pressure to control, avoid, or fix the outside world starts to lift. You navigate challenges with less stress and more ease, knowing your well-being doesn’t depend on anything external. You stop waiting to feel okay until something outside of you changes.
Let’s do a little exercise…
Think back to a time in your childhood when you were convinced there was a monster under your bed. You might have called out for your parents. I sure did. "Mum! Dad!" (Over and over again.)
You were scared and certain that something was lurking under there. But when the light was turned on, nothing was there. It was just the thought of a monster that was so terrifying.
Now, replace “monster under the bed” with your current worries about money, health, relationships, performance, work, or past experiences.
You see where I’m going, don’t you?
Your experience and feelings are created entirely from within you. And the degree to which we understand this shapes how we handle every situation in our lives.
When you understand the inside-out nature of your experience, it’s as if an internal light has been flicked on, and you can see what’s really happening.
The things you once feared begin to dissolve on their own, along with the need to try to control, avoid, strategise or overanalyse any uncomfortable situations or feelings.
This insight helps us let go of so much and discover true mental peace, regardless of our circumstances. With this newfound clarity, we navigate life with greater freedom, ease, and grace.
To be clear - This doesn’t mean ignoring your challenges, dismissing your feelings or pretending to be positive all the time. It simply means seeing where your experience is actually coming from. And when you live from that place, life gets simpler and better.
This isn’t something to understand intellectually; It’s something to see for yourself. That’s when everything changes.
Over the Next Week…
Live from the understanding that your experience is generated from the inside-out. When stress shows up, remind yourself, “How I feel is created from my thinking, not my circumstances.” Just notice what changes.
If something clicks for you and you notice a shift, I’d love to hear about it. I’m always inspired by the insights people discover because insight is the key to lasting change.
With love,
Peter